When it comes to sex, most guys find themselves quietly wondering whether they're doing it right and whether their performance falls within the normal range. Dr. Joe Pazona is joined by guest expert Ken Mitchell on a new episode of the Balls Deep podcast to dig into one of the most misunderstood subjects in men’s health: how long is long enough in bed? Spoiler alert: You can actually last too long in bed. If you're not going the distance of a porn star, that doesn't mean anything is broken. So, let's break down premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and the way unrealistic sex expectations can mess with our heads and our pleasure:
What's “Normal”?
Normal is simply whatever feels good for you and your partner. There's no timer in the bedroom, and nobody hands out trophies for marathon sessions. In fact, research shows the typical length of penetrative sex is only 5-7 minutes.
Dr. Pazona points out that many young people today grow up scrolling through streams of porn and social posts, so their sex expectations are often totally skewed. Sure, 30-plus minutes of nonstop action looks steamy on video, but in most bedrooms that kind of marathon is painful, draining, and not much fun for anyone involved.
Premature Ejaculation (PE): It’s About the Bother
Doctors now say that premature ejaculation is less a matter of clock-watching and more about feelings. If finishing sooner than planned leaves you, your partner, or both of you upset, then it counts as a problem.
Two main types of premature ejaculation show up in the clinic:
- Lifelong PE: You've been quick on the trigger since that first awkward sexual experience.
- Acquired PE: Hits later in life; things were fine until for some reason you started finishing sooner.
No single pill fixes either, but nerves, infrequent sex, even shaky metabolic health can all play a role.
Ejaculation, Orgasm, Erection Are Not the Same
It may feel a little wild at first, but each part of sex operates on its own train tracks. Many guys link erection, ejaculation, and orgasm together, thinking the 3 always arrive hand-in-hand. They actually show up as separate acts inside the same show:
- Erection = blood rushing to the penis (thanks to the parasympathetic nerves).
- Ejaculation = the spurt of fluid (managed by the sympathetic nerves).
- Orgasm = that burst of pleasure (a sweet brain trick).
You can have one without the others. For example, some men after prostate surgery report feeling an orgasm without ejaculating. Or maybe you get hard yet can't finish. Knowing these pieces helps you untwist any puzzle.
The Mental Side of Sex
Ken and Dr. Pazona reveal that the head plays a huge role in sex expectations and experiences. Stuff like old injuries, nagging worries, or even church rules can color the whole trip. Guys raised in houses where sex hangs like a shame cloud usually drag bits of that cloud into adulthood, and it still chips away at their confidence when the lights go low.
They also mull over the saying that good lovers are made, not born. In plain terms, feeling at ease in bed usually grows from honest chats, repeated practice, and experience, not from the weight of fairy-tale ideals or rigid deadlines.
On the Flip Side: Delayed Ejaculation
So, can you last too long in bed? While premature ejaculation steals the spotlight, delayed ejaculation can sting just as much. A man may enjoy a rock-steady erection, kiss, touch, and be physically engaged, yet nothing seems able to cap the evening with an orgasm.
Several things can keep the brakes on, including: messy signals from the nervous system or a list of common drugs; less feeling in the penis from nerve damage or blood-flow problems; and that tight knot of worry that pops up the minute the sheets hit skin. All of these can cause men to last too long in bed.
In fact, treatments like shockwave therapy, originally aimed at erectile dysfunction, may help here too. Dr. Pazona reports that many patients notice sharper feeling and clearer orgasms after going through the program.
Debunking Sex Expectations & Answering Your Questions
There are many myths when it comes to sex expectations, and in fact, you can last too long in bed. It’s likely you probably have more questions about men’s sexual health that we haven’t covered here. Be sure to check out the answers to your top questions about men’s sexual health.
Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and does not substitute professional medical advice. Always consult with your healthcare provider for personalized guidance.
